When I first met my fella he was the most perfect non-smelling guy I'd ever met. He would shyly ask to use my bathroom...for a number two... and I'd prepare my nostrils for the funk of all funks only to find fresh, clean pure air. It was the oddest of things, really. I thought I'd found the perfect pooper. I don't know what happened to him. Maybe his diet changed. Maybe his perfection contract expired, but now whenever he hops out from the bathroom, a funk follows him out to wherever I am and singes my nose hairs with foul smell. How can that be?! What happened?! He swears up and down he wasn't spraying some magical odor-eliminating heaven into the air beforehand. He swears he's not doctoring up the funk now. I have no clue what's going on with the man's butt, but I want some answers.