Thursday, May 19, 2011


Dear Potty,

I just farted in front of my nemesis' cubicle at work. I feel vindicated! Totally recommend doing that if you're having issues with someone. It's not like they can go to HR or anything...


Dear Potty,

I was just in the bathroom and heard a woman making pooping sounds...quite different from the garden  variety water runny stuff.  It sounded like she was popping bubble wrap. You know, the stuff that comes in a shipment...well she got a shipment of last night's dinner LOL!

Friday, May 13, 2011


Dear Potty,

Wouldn't it be great if a woman walked into a public bathroom to change her tampon, sat down and then said, "Blood shall spill!"?

Or she sat down to pee and sang, "Let my peepee gooooooooo"?

I think if that were to happen I'd shat my pants.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Auto Correct Has a Place Here Too!

White Flag

I know that when people put up t.p. in the cracks of a stall, they want privacy. They want privacy because they're more likely than not giving birth to a stinky #2 baby. What they don't realize is you've just raised the white flag of shame. You have alerted everyone in the bathroom to pay attention to your butt. Literally.

When you walk out people will stare and wonder what in the world you could have been doing that demanded that kind of privacy.

You nasty, self-conscious pooh-hider.


Dear Potty,

There's nothing better in the world than struggling with little deer-pellet pooplets for days and days and finally winning the battle with a big, fat, HUGE poo.


The 5-pound lighter woman

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


Truly awesome way to get out the gas that is painfully stuck in your bawd...crunches and sit ups. It takes everything in my power not to blow something beautiful out when someone's spotting me during my butts and guts class.

Try it the next time gas is plaguing your delicate sensibilities.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Potty Putty

Yeeep, I really did receive this as a gift and yes, I am playing with that ish at work. Talk about a stress reliever! Thank you Diva Dara for this lovely gift.