#70

Dear Potty,

I sat in the bathroom...ploppin away while playing on my iPhone. As I was leaving, a coworker sweetly yelled from her stall, "Bye Tishyyyyyy..." like she was calling me out. I got her though! I yelled back, "Bye Weezie! Hope you enjoyed my ploppy plops!"

I could hear multiple women laughing as the door swung shut. BooYaaaaaa haters!

Brushing Teeth in Company Bathroom: Gross?

Feel bad that I'm pooping while someone's brushing their teeth in the company bathroom but...When in Rome.

;)

Sometimes Fresh Isn't Always Better...

I can't stand it when you walk into the restroom and their is someone washing their hands and you're trying to figure out which stall they just used so you can avoid it like the plague.

I try to avoid freshly used potty whenever I can.

~G.M.

Dear Potty,

When I first met my fella he was the most perfect non-smelling guy I'd ever met. He would shyly ask to use my bathroom...for a number two... and I'd prepare my nostrils for the funk of all funks only to find fresh, clean pure air. It was the oddest of things, really. I thought I'd found the perfect pooper. I don't know what happened to him. Maybe his diet changed. Maybe his perfection contract expired, but now whenever he hops out from the bathroom, a funk follows him out to wherever I am and singes my nose hairs with foul smell. How can that be?! What happened?! He swears up and down he wasn't spraying some magical odor-eliminating heaven into the air beforehand. He swears he's not doctoring up the funk now. I have no clue what's going on with the man's butt, but I want some answers.

Potty Rant

Friend just Pinged me with:

I'm trying to go potty...Enjoying the emptiness of the restroom and playing on my phone and WHAT happens?!?! This B strolls in and decides she wants to hold my effing hand and use the potty right next to me...REALLY?! I'm a big girl. I don't need company...Jeez totally ruined my sanctum of relaxation.

Today...

Is 13 kinds of elephant poop.

Dear Miss

Dear Ms Nasty Girl who left a bloody piece of t.p. on the bathroom floor, please report to my cube so I can properly bitch slap you.